Car Talk by Dr. Kent

Hello fans of anything automotive: fast cars & loud engines with tires screeching and squealing like little piggies, stabbed by farmers' pitchforks, unleashing EEEEEEEEEE shriek screams with rubber melting becoming one with the black tarmac...

Burnouts.

Can't you picture it or envision it or just imagine all of the sounds from that cancerous grey smoke that all come together as someone presses down on the gas-pedal and the brakes AT THE SAME TIME, creating a Hellstorm of fury coming from the engine and tranny—like a Transexual—a tranny—but one for switching gears, merely—or in this case being put under a heavy load and with no choice but to let one of the rear-wheels spin loose, blaring out bellows of said smoke, choking on fumes of the fuel with Octanes like Octaves crying out loud to your aching ears... and you grin allowing the burnt particles of black neoprene latex to stain your white teeth... reminding you of the old toothbrush that you use to clean your engine bay before the oh-la-la Summer Nationals car-shows...

So you shop for a new Mustang GT on cartalk.com with Heather who asks a question about getting rid of pesky spiders in her car... or CARS-dot-COM "Helps you get a new car without all the drama" for realz- saving the moolah for your kids' college-funds... because you sure as shit aren't going to "pass on" that GT 'Stang to them, no no no, they'll be in safe Honda Civics or Toyota Corollas bcoz you don't want them engaging in any of the Automotive Insanity that you evoked from machines, in the past... in your younger years when gas was a dollar a gallon and the inflatable "Air Bag" wasn't standard on every. single. car. like for a decade now since the Average Man would walk away from a crash instead of being put-to-rest in a body-bag...

Thank God Almighty !!!!!!!

We are men and we like our cars like carburetors and pistons pumping at peak redline arr-pee-emm's...

We're really ranking up the exhaust at the "Dyno" –measuring HP horsepower with a fan in front of the engine feeding it combustible oxygen from the atmosphere, and with wheels spinning freely on the rollers... You know the dynamometer that measures how many horsies are available to put to the pavement with a push of the pedal...